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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334847">rose blush</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_thunder/pseuds/lmao_thunder'>lmao_thunder</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Steve Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unhappy Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:46:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,598</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28334847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lmao_thunder/pseuds/lmao_thunder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the thing was, from an outside perspective they were perfect. they were in love and inseparable. their love made the world go 'round. but alone and in private? it seemed to fall apart little by little until there was nothing left.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>2020 Captain America/Iron Man Holiday Exchange</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>rose blush</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralsbecket/gifts">ralsbecket</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you to my betas! You're amazing and I couldn't do anything without you!</p><p>To my giftee: I hope you enjoy this fic and I did your prompts justice. &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve was used to being overlooked. Growing up skinny and sickly quickly forced Steve to become accustomed to not being anyone’s first choice. It was just the sort of thing that was relegated to pretty people. People like Bucky who always attracted at least three different gazes when he stepped into a room. Steve knew he could never be one of those people so he just had to get used to the idea that he would be but background decoration. Over the years it became easier for him to do just that. The older he grew the less he cared about being overlooked. Who cared if more people paid attention to all the people around him? Steve had Bucky and Bucky was as loyal as they came. That was honestly all Steve needed most days. </p><p>When Steve and Bucky walked into their new dorm room, Steve had expected to be ignored by their third roommate in favor of Bucky. Most people assumed that Bucky was the one who called the shots in their friendship anyway, never mind that the one who was always picking fights and couldn’t keep his mouth shut was Steve, but their new roommate wasn’t like everyone else. Sam saw both Bucky and Steve. He joked with them both and it felt easy. Like they had been doing this their entire lives as opposed to only a few minutes. </p><p>“I’m Sam. I got here first so I claimed the bunk with the desk underneath. Sorry not sorry.” Sam’s snarky tone immediately made Steve want to laugh.</p><p>“It’s fine. Steve and I have practically been sharing bunks since diapers anyway.” Bucky responded and proceeded to toss his backpack onto the top bunk.</p><p>“Oh? You guys childhood friends?” Sam asked as he pulled the chair from his desk out to take a seat. </p><p>Steve nodded as he settled on his new bunk and gently set down the leather carrier he kept his sketchbooks in. </p><p>“Yeah,” Steve answered as he recalled the memory, “I met Bucky in a playground fight.” </p><p>
  <em> They’d been in third grade and Steve had been the smallest one in the entire grade but that hadn’t stopped him from having the biggest mouth in their entire school. The sixth graders who had been pushing him around into the mud hadn’t much appreciated Steve’s uncompromising attitude about not sharing the handball court. It wasn’t his fault that they always hogged it so the one time he’d gotten to it first he didn’t want to give it up to them.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They’d hated that and proceeded to push and drag him into the wet soccer field. It had been a rainy September morning so the field in some places was more mud than grass, it had been the perfect place to pummel a tiny third grader like Steve. Bucky, one of the bigger third graders in Steve’s class, had appeared and told the sixth graders to get lost or he’d get the teachers. Even bratty sixth graders had known better than to incite the wrath of the teachers and Steve had been left panting in the mud with Bucky beside.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The other boy had just grinned down at him and offered him a hand to get up.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You’re a troublemaker. I’m Bucky. Bucky Barnes.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Steve Rogers and I’m not trying to be. Some people are just annoying,” Steve had answered and taken Bucky’s proffered hand.  </em>
</p><p>From that moment they had become inseparable. They did everything together because Bucky had quickly learned that if left to his own devices, well Steve was likely to end up picking a fight with someone. It was just the way that Steve said things. It made other people mad. As they grew older and learned more about how shitty people could be well the more Bucky had become a solid presence in Steve’s life. </p><p>When girls had decided that they wanted to look at Bucky and Steve with appraising gazes, Steve had been wary. Steve loves Bucky like a brother and could easily admit that the other boy was the sort of person who attracted attention. He was just like that. People wanted to be around Bucky, he was charismatic and handsome. It made sense. Steve on the other hand was skinny and small for his age and had inherited all the Irish paleness of his ancestors. He looked sickly often. It was hardly any wonder why Bucky was always drawing pleased gazes and why when Steve was standing right next to him he seemed to receive even more appraising gazes. As if being next to the ugly duckling somehow enhanced Bucky’s attractiveness. </p><p>“Got it. So you’re the one to watch out for. Got it. So you’re Steve and that’s Bucky.” Sam nodded as he saved the information for later. </p><p>“Stevie is definitely the one we gotta watch out for. He may be small but he is scary.  I hope you’re a clean person Sam because otherwise, this is going to be one long fucking year,” Bucky murmured and Sam started laughing. </p><p>“I am relatively clean. I think we’ll be fine.” </p><p>“You say that now.”</p><p>“Shut up Buck.” </p><hr/><p>Steve spent most of his time working on his art. He wanted to make something beautiful and useful. Something that could have more than artistic value. If anyone could find a way to make art about social justice without losing sight of the beauty of the art itself then it definitely had to be Steven Grant Rogers. Bucky and Sam loved to joke that Steve was the only serious art major in their entire school and if Steve was honest they probably weren’t wrong. He made art for classes, he made art for shows, he made art for nonprofits, and charity auctions. Whatever needed another submission to get it going and it helped a little that his art was pretty good. People liked it and kept liking it enough to want more of it. So Steve made more and more and that’s how he met Tony. </p><p>Tony Stark was everything that he’d heard he was from around campus and absolutely nothing like it at the same time. He was glamorous and eye-catching and so gorgeous that it almost hurt to look at the brunet.  But Tony was also so sweet and down to earth for someone who had the entire world at his feet, willingly at that because everyone seemed to be in love with Tony, and Steve wasn’t immune by any means. </p><p>The art show second semester of freshman year was a chance for the school to schmooze donors while simultaneously showcasing some of the best and the brightest of the school’s art program. From visual stuff like Steve’s work to music performed by the likes of students like violin prodigy Stephen Strange and Russian ballerina extraordinaire Natasha Romanov. They were names that the school never hesitated to throw out there and Steve had already accepted the necessary evil of having his work be used for schmoozing if it gave him an opportunity later on in life to use it for his own means. Everyone starts somewhere his Ma used to say. </p><p>Tony was there with his parents cutting a dashing figure in a perfectly tailored mahogany tuxedo. On anyone else Steve would’ve scoffed but seeing it on Tony? Well, it was perfect. Thinking back on it maybe the tuxedo was the first thing that drew Steve to Tony like a moth to a flame. The other man just looked so beautiful and when those warm brown eyes had met Steve’s eyes across the room, Steve’s heart had stuttered. Tony had given him a bright smile and Steve had tried to get his own face to make the motion but he had a feeling it hadn’t worked when Tony’s face had fallen. </p><p>Despite that though Tony had made his way across the room to where Steve was standing beside the paintings he had submitted for the display. </p><p>“Interesting style. It’s definitely not as serious as all the other pieces here,” Tony murmured while facing Steve’s art. </p><p>Steve turned to look at the same painting and raised an eyebrow at his work. This piece was ridiculous. It had started out as a sketch of Bucky and Sam being stupid in their dorm room and had somehow become into some abstract collection of colors and shapes. His roommates called it his “clown painting”. </p><p>Steve had never really been able to take the piece seriously ever since. </p><p>“It’s not my usual style but it does suit the theme of this whole thing way more than my usual art.” </p><p>“Hmm...well if they decide to let us bid on art then maybe I’ll get it. It has its own charm to it.”</p><p>“Oh? That’s generous of you.” Steve smirked as he crossed his arms,” I wouldn’t pay for this if I was in your shoes.” </p><p>“Well, I love originals!” Tony uncrossed his arms and glanced briefly at Steve before turning his gaze back at the painting, “What’s your name handsome? I do need to know whose original painting I’ll be adding to my dorm wall.” </p><p>“Steve. Steve Rogers. Pleasure to meet you. You’re Tony Stark right?” And Steve watched Tony look away from the painting with a small sigh. Up until this point their entire conversation had taken place more to the painting than to each other but now Tony seemed put off by it. </p><p>“Yeah...Tony Stark.” He sighs, “The one and only billionaire heir to the Stark fortune.” </p><p>“Well, I don’t know if I’d be very partial to a billionaire owning my work. That would be kind of strange considering at one point I did a painting that was basically the physical manifestation of ‘<em> eat the rich’ </em>.” </p><p>“Oh? And how did that go over?” Tony said, turning back to look at the painting. An amused smile graced his lips and Steve felt at peace once more that the other man wasn’t going to walk away. </p><p>“You know? Didn’t get the best grade on it but my classmates really liked it. And who actually cares what their stuffy professors have to say on their work?” </p><p>And that had been the start. Sometimes Steve thinks back on it and wishes he hadn’t made a point to keep Tony amused. It would’ve saved them both so much pain. </p><hr/><p>Tony was the best boyfriend Steve had ever had. Not that he’d had that many, just two before Tony, but he was the best one. He was thoughtful and considerate. The sort of person who wanted to put Steve’s happiness above all else and apart from Bucky and his Ma, Steve had never really had that. He wasn’t used to people thinking about ways to make him happy. But Tony thought about it all the time and did everything he could to make it happen. </p><p>Sometimes Tony skipped a class to go with Steve on a march or Steve was invited to an art thing and the engineering major would set aside time in his busy schedule to go with Steve. They were sacrifices that Steve was both aware of and very appreciative of. Ones that Tony never wanted Steve to make for him in return. The one time they’d talked about it had been enough to stop Steve from insisting on it ever again.</p><p>“Why don’t you want me to skip class? It’s a big thing for the engineering department,” Steve asked as they waited by the counter for their coffees. </p><p>“Because my stuff will be there Steve. It’s not like the things you do. Social justice marches and poetry readings and all the other stuff we do together. Those things don’t last forever. You have to experience them in the moment before they disappear into thin air. My robots will be there though so you can always look at them later. The fact you care enough to ask about it is more than I could ever ask for.” </p><p>And while Steve had still felt like there was an imbalance in their relationship he had kept it to himself. It just hadn’t seemed worth making a bigger deal out of. </p><hr/><p>Sophomore year came and went in a whirlwind of stolen moments and warm smiles. Junior year was ten- minute dates in between busy schedules and Steve finally getting to go to engineering events when he had the time. It was Tony parading Steve around like he was the real prize and not the engineering genius put to life in different robots and AI. It was two years of Steve and Tony becoming so used to being around each other and living with each other in almost every sense of the word. </p><p>Steve hadn’t even really noticed how intertwined their lives were until he’d gone looking for a certain shirt in his closet only to realize he’d washed it and hung it up in his side of Tony’s closet. He’d had to borrow a shirt from Bucky and his best friend had just laughed at him. </p><p>“You do know Stevie, you should just move in together. He already has his own apartment that he doesn’t share with anyone.” </p><p>“But I live here.”</p><p>“But do you really anymore? I think Natasha spends more time here than you do.” </p><p>“Don’t use your girlfriend as evidence against me Barnes.” </p><p>“She’s not my girlfriend Rogers.” </p><p>“She totally is and also does not count as support for your argument.”</p><p>“Hey Rogers, you barely live here bro. We may as well start charging Nat the rent and not you,” Sam called from the kitchen and Steve had bitten his lip in frustration. </p><p>They weren’t exactly wrong though. </p><hr/><p>And somehow years had gone by and Steve hadn’t noticed. He’d been so wrapped up in Tony and the way they seemed to compliment each other. The way they seemed to just fit together. Steve had started to plan his future with Tony in mind. He’d started thinking about Tony when he was making decisions because the other man’s opinion was important to him. </p><p>Their friends liked to make fun of them and liked to say that they were each other’s endgame. That if any couple could survive the messy quagmire that was college dating it would be them because they were made for each other. And it felt that way to Steve most of the time. He looked at Tony and saw so many possibilities. </p><p>Tony looked at Steve like he had hung the stars and it was the best feeling in the world. Tony showed his affection so obviously to remind Steve that he was loved. He showed it in the smallest gestures and in the grand ones too. Steve found himself learning to be more like Tony. To show his affection in small sketches and whispered <em> I love you’s </em>when they were making dinner together. </p><p>“Did you know that your love languages seem to be quality time and words of affirmation? Oh and sometimes gifts but mainly the other two,” Tony muttered into his shoulder one night in bed. </p><p>“What does that mean?” Steve returned and shifted in bed to look at the other.</p><p>“It means that you show your love, your affection, by spending time with people and reminding them how much they mean to you with your words. It’s pretty self-explanatory honey.” </p><p>“Oh sorry for asking. And what are yours? Gifts and more gifts? Because you do spoil me a lot sweetheart.” Steve teased as he  leaned down to press a kiss to Tony’s forehead. The other smiled softly at him before rolling his eyes in amusement. </p><p>“Actually it’s acts of service first and foremost. I like doing things for the people I love. But also yes, I do love spoiling you with gifts. It’s what you deserve.”</p><p>“Does a blowjob count as an act of service?” Steve asked with a smirk adorning his lips and the matching one on his boyfriend’s face was more than answer enough.</p><hr/><p>Sometimes Steve wondered what he had done to earn the love of someone like Tony because the other man was just so <em> good </em>. Tony was beautiful and lovable and so alluring. There was no one more perfect than Tony Stark in Steve’s eyes and there would never be anyone better than him. Steve was fully prepared to spend the rest of his life making that wonderful genius of a man as happy as he could possibly be because that was what Tony deserved. </p><p>Tony had grown up knowing that people were always expecting things out of him and always trying to get things out of him. To this day Steve was thankful that Tony, while initially cautious about their budding relationship, had never really seen Steve as being any sort of gold digger or manipulator who only wanted to get close to Tony for his wealth. Because honestly Steve had fallen in love with those pretty brown eyes and the mischief in Tony’s smile, not in the amount of zeros in Tony’s name or the legacy of the Stark family. </p><p>And college was a perfect breeding ground for opportunistic assholes who just found excuses to take advantage of people. Steve hated posturing but sometimes the only way to get people to leave Tony alone was for Steve to be very blatant about the fact <em> he </em> was Tony’s boyfriend. The engineering major found it amusing but it always made Steve slightly sad that Tony wasn't bothered, that Tony was used to people being so fake with him. </p><p>"It's not like it matters what they want from me Steve. They're not going to get it. I won't give it to them." Tony explained while looking at the laptop screen where he was running some trials of a new application he'd been making. </p><p>Steve sighed and looked away from his own work. </p><p>"I get that. I know you won't let these people get to you but shouldn't it bother you?" </p><p>"If I let it bother me all the time then I would never get anything done. I have better things to do with my time. Like spending my free time with you and the rest of my time with my work. That's worth it. They're not."</p><p>"Hmm I guess."</p><p>"I know you're going to keep thinking about this, so I'm gonna say try not to. It's not worth it." </p><hr/><p>It sometimes felt like Tony knew everything about Steve while Steve didn’t know nearly as much about Tony. It was something that Steve hadn’t noticed right away because he <em> did </em>know a lot about Tony. It was just that by comparison Steve didn’t know nearly as much about Tony as Tony did about Steve. </p><p>It worried Steve because he didn’t want to be the sort of boyfriend who didn’t know anything about his partner.</p><p>“Do you ever think about how well you know Natasha?” Steve asked Bucky one night. They were hanging out just the two of them for the first time in ages. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“Like how much you know about her? Like you know her favorite color and her favorite food. Stuff like that.”</p><p>“Oh. Well yeah I do know that stuff about her. But that’s stuff you know too because you’re her friend. What’s your point?” Bucky turned to look at Steve with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Well as her boyfriend you probably do know things about her that I don't because you’re her boyfriend. You know there’s always stuff that people know about their partners that other friends don’t know.” Steve continued. He was definitely asking this in the awkward way possible but he had no other way of asking. </p><p>“I mean I guess. Why do you think that you don’t know Tony that well? Because honestly I’ve never seen two people more in love and so obnoxious. You know him well. Trust me.” </p><p>“It just feels like I don’t sometimes Buck. Tony knows me so well. He can anticipate what I’m going to say or how I’m going to feel. He knows the things I like and he never gets me things I don’t like. But sometimes when I give him things I somehow miss the mark. Or I end up catching myself because what I’m about to say to Tony isn’t something he’d like and I know that.” </p><p>“Stevie people aren’t all equally disgustingly thoughtful. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But if you feel weird about it then maybe just talk to Tony.”</p><p>“Yeah I guess I will.” </p><p>But the thing was that Steve wasn’t sure how Tony would take it so he kept it to himself. Probably longer than he should’ve in hindsight.</p><hr/><p>Steve didn’t talk to Tony about his frustrations though and they disappeared overtime but then Steve started to notice that Tony would do a lot of things without him. Steve would invite Tony to things and where once Tony would have agreed to go now he wouldn’t. He’d mention something he had to do for a class or he’d mention a Stark Industries thing that his father wanted him to help with. So Tony would be gone and Steve would find himself alone or spending more time in his old apartment with Bucky, Sam and Natasha. </p><p>And like before Tony wouldn’t really invite or expect Steve to go to the same things that he was going to. Steve had never gone to a Stark Expo and very rarely was invited to family dinners. It hadn’t bothered Steve before but now that it was becoming harder to ignore that he and Steve were not spending as much time together well it was different. Steve felt like he was alone and he couldn’t even get Tony to stay around long enough to ask about it. </p><p>To talk to his boyfriend about why they seemed like they weren’t really boyfriends anymore. How could they be when they hardly even spent time together.</p><p>Except somehow around their friends they were still very close. When they were around the others it was like coming home. Tony would be the considerate present boyfriend and Steve would feel like before. Before he had started to notice that maybe he didn’t know Tony as well as he thought and before he had noticed that Tony didn’t really seem to want Steve around for the things that mattered to him. Instead Tony would be extra thoughtful and would pay extra attention to Steve. </p><p>It almost made Steve forget about the weird limbo they’d fallen into a couple. One they couldn’t even really break out of because they never really had time to themselves to figure out what was happening. Why they were falling apart. </p><p>Almost. </p><p>Because with every new day that blurred into the previous one with Tony being absent it became harder for Steve to forget. </p><hr/><p>Still there were days when Steve felt like maybe his time with Tony waas running out. Days where it seemed like Tony was looking at Steve with an almost bittersweet finality when he thought that Steve wasn’t looking. </p><p>They were making dinner and Steve caught staring almost wistfully at Tony while he set the table for their dinner. </p><p>“Tony, do you ever think about the future? What we’ll do together?” Steve asked as he placed down their stir fry. </p><p>“Sometimes but honestly most of the time I don’t. I rather think about the here and now. There’s so much to experience in the present that I rather not waste my time thinking about the future. Unless I really have to. Like what you and I can do together.” </p><p>“But you don’t ever wonder?”</p><p>“Babe come on let's just eat.”</p><hr/><p>The thing was, from an outside perspective they were perfect. They were in love and inseparable. Their love made the world go 'round. But alone and in private? It seemed to fall apart little by little until there was nothing left. Steve didn’t understand how they’d gone from being so good together to not knowing how to be around each other because that’s what it felt like a lot of the time. Steve would look at Tony and the other would just look <em> away </em> . Like he couldn’t find it in himself to <em> look </em> at Steve. </p><p>But Steve didn’t want to say anything because if he did he feared that Tony would blame himself completely even if they were both responsible for the state of their relationship. </p><p>Steve had never expected Tony to be the one to start the dreaded conversation about their relationship. </p><p>“I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to talk about what’s been going on,” Tony whispered while they sat on the couch watching some ridiculous athletics competition. It was mindless but they both thought it was amusing so they’d made it a nightly ritual. </p><p>“What’s been going on?” Steve asked even though he had a good feeling he knew what the other was talking about. </p><p>“Our relationship Steve. Honey, don’t play dumb.”</p><p>Honey. Never once had an endearment felt like an admonishment. </p><p>“Yeah okay.” Steve said, as he crossed his arms, “Well, what about it?”</p><p>“I think we might need space. We aren’t working anymore. I just,” Tony took a deep breath and turned to look at Steve. Steve looked away from the tv to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. “I need to do my part. My parents worked so hard to make my life a good one despite the stereotypes of the rich and the public scrutiny that comes with the amount of wealth we have.”</p><p>“Tony, what are you saying?” Because this conversation was never going to be a good one but now it seemed like it was going to end on a worse note than Steve had been mentally preparing himself for. </p><p>“I’m saying we can’t be together. I know in the long run that I’ll probably need to make an advantageous decision when it comes to my partner and...I love you. Please don’t think that I don’t because I love you so much and if I could just run away with you then I would but I can’t Steve.” </p><p>Steve swallowed and looked away from Tony. He hadn’t ever expected their relationship to end like that. In some sort of ill-fated imitation of Pride and Prejudice. Except his Mr. Darcy wasn’t going to come running back later because Tony was a resolute sort of person. Once he made a decision he stuck to it no matter how much it hurt. It was a quality that Steve admired about Tony. </p><p>“Okay,” Steve nodded and turned to look back at Tony. “Okay. Just promise me that that’s the only reason for this. That there isn’t someone else--” </p><p>“You don’t actually think I’d cheat on you? With who? I’ve been in love with you for so long Steve. Don’t be stupid.”</p><p>“It hasn’t felt like it in a while.” </p><p>“Do you want to break me while you’re at it?” Tony asked, pain and stress gripped his throat like a vise, “This hurts enough as it is Steve.”</p><p>“Tony, you broke me first,” Steve murmured and got up from the couch. </p><p>There wasn’t much left to say. There wasn’t much left that Steve could say without bursting into an ugly pile of tears. So he grabbed his jacket on his way out of the front door of Tony’s apartment because that’s what it was ultimately. It had been theirs for a while but it was about to be just Tony’s again.</p><p>As soon as the front door shut behind him, the torrent of tears wouldn’t let up as Steve headed for the stairs. Steve hoped Tony was okay because it wasn’t his place to care for him anymore.</p>
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